Catechumens: The reasons people give for deserting the Faith seem most often to fall into one of three categories: distortions of reality (misrepresentation), non sequitur (irrelevancy), and transferring blame to others (passing the buck). How often have I done this, deserting the Faith in my heart, mind, and will? I once justified independence by saying that others were too ‘ethnic’ and don’t make enough room for my culture or, alternately, because a lot of people weren’t showing up when I was. I justified failure to study my Faith, failure to overcome the passions, failure to follow the Fathers, failure after failure. In short, I deserted.
We pray the words of the Prophet at Great and Holy Vespers, “Incline my heart away from evil words, from making excuses for my sins.” Desertions, however seemingly small, are sometimes accompanied by making excuses for sins. While I find it easy to be surprised at the desertions of others, I find my own desertion to be less an apostasy, less serious. And in that delusion is the apostasy. These excuses, delusions in which the Adversary delights, seem to beget more delusions, until finally I have run away from the Desert and into the lush fields, but the lush fields are full of pitfalls and snares and vipers, while the Desert is actually green and moist with life.
“The garden is the only place there is, but you will not find it until you have looked for it everywhere and found nowhere that is not a desert.” – WH Auden
— Catechetical Letter 12/14/2005